John Egbert and Nic Cage

==> Be John Egbert

Having just seen your father pull into the driveway right before you were going to venture downstairs put a damper on your mood. You can't risk going downstairs without a disguise. You grab your groucho glasses and look in the mirror. John? Who is this John you speak of ? You are pretty sure that there has never been nor will be... Yeah this disguise sucks. You start down the stairs when the foul odor of fresh baking come from the kitchen. You clench your fist and shake it in front of you. Betty Crocker, you hiss. The buttery aroma of her even plot proves that this mission was going to be harder than yo- Who was that sensual looking man sitting there ? 

No! Not that one! The other one! (you briefly wonder who that man even is but decide to ignore it for now)

Yes that one! That man...that street tough maverick with nothing to lose...Dang, he's fine. Crap! He probably notices you staring at him. You quickly grab one of your dad's pipes sitting on the side table and put it in your mouth. Yes, your disguise is now 10x better and maybe that majestic stallion of a man will ignore your staring now that you have this! You politely inquire the alluring man's name. Cameron Poe he replies. Wait, what? Is this really Cameron Poe? The rough, tough, ex-convict who just wants to be reunited with his wife and daughter who he has never seen before ? Only one way to find out. You point your finger and shout at him, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX!!!! He shouts it back at you, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX!!! You both spend about ten minutes shouting this back and forth to each other. What a beautiful way to spend ten minutes. You would've gone longer but you stopped when you heard a beeping noise come from the kitchen. Oh no... You put your fist in front of you and shake it, Betty Crocker. Just then your dad pops into the room holding his distasteful masterpiece.

You gag a little as he brings it closer to you and Cameron. So you've come down already, John? he asks. You back away from the cake a little. Your dad continues to talk, I've set up a blind date for you and Cameron. Here's some cake, I'll just be in my room so you two have fun. Your dad walks away after placing the cake on the coffee table. Cameron takes a piece and you decide it'd be rude if you didn't eat with him as well. You guess you'll just have to swallow down at least one piece..

BLUH! You spit out your cake instantaneously. That was nasty. You remind yourself to never do that again. Cameron seems a little revolted that you just spit out your piece onto the rest of the cake. You tell him you're welcome from saving you from having to eat anymore of that monstrosity. He just looks at you funny. Crap, John, you gotta fix this! Being the smooth man you are, you know exactly how to play it off...

Come here often? you ask him. Dang you are smooth. You are smoother than a baby's buttox. He must think you're the coolest guy right now. Look at you go. Again, smoothest man alive. Cameron laughs and suggests that you three should watch some movies. Three? you ask, a little confused. He points behind him.

Oh yeah, that guy. You tell Cameron it's probably best to ignore him. He says okay. You ask him what movie he wants to watch. He says it doesn't matter to him. You decide to watch Con Air. You just love that movie. The way he just, you clench your fist, puts the bunny back in the box. You tell Cameron your decision and he gives you a thumbs up. Good choice, John. You put the movie into the DVD player and sit next to Cameron. Dear, sweet, precious Cameron. You get about halfway through the movie before you realize how much it sucks. Man, you hate Con Air. You stand up and eject the disk. Cameron asks what you are doing. You snap the disk in half whilst you squawk like an imbecile. 

Oops, you probably shouldn't have done that in front of him. You've made a grave mistake. Cameron looks at you for a little while longer before insulting you and leaving. That was my life story, you idiot, he says. He slams the door on his way out. Guess it's just you and me now, buddy.

Yes, you and I are going to party hard.

The end.

Something That is Mine

  A name that belongs to me,
but not exclusively
a name common enough that when called aloud,
a few heads turn all at once

I am the stone
the weight that keeps everything down
I am the mountain
she is the wind

I never thought it to be special
it would blend in and disappear completely
as if it were never there
a name engulfed in darkness
it's teeth bared and shining through 
keeping people away

"oh how nice it'd be,"
I thought
"to have someone stay here with me for a while"
"because is my name really mine,"
"if there is no one to call me by it ?"

When people say it
they sing it sweetly like a song
but I'd much rather sing a different song
because, you see
I don't like this one very much

A name that floats freely
and blooms
like the gardens you'd dream about
their sweet aroma caressing each letter
until it's spelled out
"Sierra"


metaphor
personification
alliteration

Unlimited Chickens

  If I were to choose between having one horse, one cow, and a dozen chickens, I would choose a dozen chickens. They'd be the best to own  because the would give you eggs everyday for you to eat and if you really needed to, you could eat the chicken itself. It's also possible to sell the eggs at a market to get money for other things you'd need. With one rooster, you would be able to keep your supply of chickens up. You'd have like an unlimited amount of chickens. How cool would that be ? It'd be kinda like in Minecraft when you throw an egg on the ground and out pops a chicken. Although, I do not advise that you throw an egg on the ground, it would not end up the same way. I would make sure that my chickens were treated like royalty. Chickens should be treated with the utmost respect and they should be sanctified as a godly figure. Birds, like the chicken, are presumed to be the descendants of dinosaurs, therefore they are basically way cooler than a horse or cow.

Mariah is a goddess

  The taste of the special pie that my sister makes is inexplicable. The chocolate pudding tastes so delicious, it's almost like sticking your head straight under a chocolate fountain and opening your mouth. All the chocolaty sweetness. The graham cracker crust tastes like the gates of heaven opening with a little dash of peanut butter. When you put the two together it's almost like getting tackled by 100 fluffy kittens.
  It's too bad that it doesn't have a name, we just call it 'Mariah's Special Pie."